Tuesday, 30 April 2013

WHAT IS A REAL WOMAN?


Hello lovelies! I have a bit of a different post for you all today and this is in no way supposed to come across as moany, negative, attention seeking blah blah blah, but it is something I've wanted to address for quite a while. I don't know about the rest of you, but I've recently seen a lot of nasty or bitchy comments on twitter, facebook, magazines, tv and sometimes even blogs (don't get me started on tumblr) about body image. It's coming up to bikini season and I see so many people stressing about diets, quick fixes and insane exercise routines etc etc etc.
However, the negative comments I've seen aren't always about bigger girls, though I have seen a lot of that, celeb magazines anyone? I'm not a Kardashian fan, but I think the hate Kim's been getting is disgusting, she's pregnant for god's sake! But in this case, I'm talking about skinny hate. Maybe hate is too strong a word in some cases, however I do feel slimmer girls are getting judged way more than we ever used to be. 'Skinny' or 'Slim' used to be something women strived to be, and often still is, but it seems now, it's something that's frowned upon or considered 'unhealthy' or not 'womanly'. The latter being the one that frustrates me the most.

I personally have a naturally small frame as in I've got a naturally flat stomach and not much going on in the boobie area. I have a small waist and I have hips and while I'm small, I've always considered myself 'curvy', maybe not in the Kelly Brook way, but I still think I have curves, despite being small. Recently though, I saw a picture on instagram of a girl around my size (UK six, small chest etc) but with curves, so small waist, hips, the norm, and another woman around a UK ten/ twelve with a similar shape, however the caption under the smaller girl said 'this isn't a real woman' then under the other woman 'this is'. Now I unfollowed the account as it annoyed me a little and can't find the bloody photo anywhere, but I so wish I could because I'd like to think a lot of you would agree with me that it's a little ridiculous! I'm small and don't have a huge chest, so am I not a real woman?

I've also seen a lot of 'bad boobs' articles in magazines, small boobs, saggy boobs, no boobs, if they're not melons, they seem to be hated on and it's horrible! My Mum and Sister are both a little more blessed in the chest department and while it used to bother me, I actually quite like having smaller boobs now - my boyfriend isn't a big boob person and likes my 'cute' boobs (I quote, wasn't sure about that one to be honest!!), which has made me a lot more confident about them, but it's absolutely impossible for me to get a bra in the right size (you may have seen my twitter rant!), it's as though us smaller girls get forgotten! Not everyone is a 32+ back and I hate having to spend a fortune to find my actual size, which is a 28 back. It's sometimes as though smaller girls don't exist! Does anyone else feel this way - let me know if you do! But what I'm trying to say, is that it's okay not to have a size 32 DD chest, you don't need huge boobs to look fab in a bikini. Equally though, I find it ridiculous that ladies with bigger chests have to pay so much more for the 'specialist' companies. Some people get boob jobs yes, but most of the time, the size of our chests are not our choice and it's such a struggle to get it right if you're not 'average' sized! I'm aware this one blog post isn't going to make companies change their ways and start making smaller/ larger bras but if by any chance you are from an underwear company - it's just a thought ;)

There's a stupid amount of controversy about the 'thigh gap' too and it's really getting to me. So many girls strive to have one, while others hate on it and say it makes you look 'anorexic' or 'like a skeleton'. I exercise and I eat well, because I like to stay slim and this means I do have a gap between my thighs, It doesn't mean I only eat lettuce all day and work out in every spare hour of my life, it's just how my body is. I recently got an email from a girl asking how to 'get' a thigh gap, I won't name her in case she doesn't want to be named and while the email didn't bother me as such as I know she was just asking a question, I just didn't know how to respond, I just naturally do have a thigh gap. It's the way I'm built, yes, I work out to keep my legs toned and as slim as I can, but I have hips, so I just do have a thigh gap. Some girls just aren't built that way and that's okay. You could be tiny with narrow hips and still not have one, I just cannot understand the big deal about it - who cares!

What frustrates me the most, is that we can't seem to ever get it right. If you're too small, you're not a 'real' woman, you've got a boyish figure, you're too skinny, you 'need to get some meat on you!' etc etc etc. But then when a girl is bigger, shes 'fat', 'obese', has 'thunder thighs', it's insane. It seems if you don't have that 'inbetween' figure, that's curvy, but still relatively slim, but of course, not too slim. You're getting it wrong. Some of us aren't built to have big boobs and hips with a tiny waist. Some of us are straight up and down, others are naturally slim, others might be pear shaped and fact is, a very small percentage of women are/ will ever be the 'ideal' woman. Whatever the hell that may be.

So, what I'm trying to get across is, no matter how hard it may be, try try try not to get hung up on the little things. I have small boobs, but hey, it means I can go braless in backless dresses (nipples stickers are my friend, no shame) - you may have a straigher 'boyish' figure, but you probably look fab in skinny jeans, you may be top heavy, but I bet you don't have to worry about skater skirts making your hips look wide! No matter what shape or size you are, LOVE your body and be confident. We are all real women - sod what the magazines say!

You're beautiful.

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41 comments:

  1. This is such a good post! I'm going crazy at the minute to try lose weight and it is stupid. I'm a size 10 with big boos yet in still not happy. The amount of people that say they wish they has my boobs and I'd happily give them away. We all need to learn to love outselves.

    So well written Chloe thank you :) Jem xx

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    1. Ahh thanks Jem! Well said, loving ourselves is the hardest thing to do, but also the best thing! xx

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  2. oh such a sticky topic. I hate how people go on about that real woman and someone who is small is a girl not a woman or if she makes it into that woman category is seen as being a bag of bones.

    We bring it on ourselves though, its all those little naggs us girls have on each other like the whole 'oh did you loose weight' implying that you where fat. Online doesn't help much either with this whole thing, infact makes it worse.

    We just have to get on with it and not let us affect us as best we can, well i dunno about you but it has a huge image on myself and how i view myself, i do often compair myself to those thin instagram photos and then eat a muffin to make myself feel even worse about the situation...ah well thats life as they say

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    1. Totally agree, the internet is no help at all in some ways, but at the same time, there are so many lovely people out there who are endlessly supportive of other girls and I think that's what we all need to hold on to and try to do ourselves xx

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  3. It's so so hard to be comfortable with my body in amongst so much criticism of every shape. This article was SO good :)

    Amy| The Little Koala Blog ♥

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    1. Ahh thank you lovely! You're so right, every girl deserves to feel beautiful though, all shapes and sizes! xx

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  4. I recently read an article in the Daily Mail about a previous xfactor contestant who designed an underwear range for smaller chested women and I felt so sick and upset by the comments people wrote on the article - 'Shouldn't someone with boobs be modelling that bra' etc - so mean and it made me so paranoid for so long. This is a great post, and an issue I feel strongly about...its definitely time all us girls just loved ourselves (and each other) for who we are! :) xx

    http://glitterylove.blogspot.co.uk/

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    1. Oh how awful! I've learned to love my little boobs but comments like that certainly wouldn't have helped when I used to worry about them, how ridiculous! Totally agree, everyone is fabulous!! xx

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  5. Great post Chloe. It's really hard being a women in today's perfection obsessed society. I found a brill website My Body Gallery (and wrote a little review on it - link below). It is really easy to complement others but we struggle to find good things about oursleves - and women that do get called big headed - so we cannot win either way.

    http://ohsogawjess.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/what-real-women-look-like.html

    xXx

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    1. Thanks so much! Will definitely check out your post, it sounds fab! xx

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  6. This is such a good post and at times I don't feel very comfortable with my body because I have a quite a small frame and am often called skinny which is quite a hurtful world.
    After reading this it has made me understand that my shape is not something I chose to be. I heard a girl at my school during PE say 'oh look I'm getting a thigh gap!' and it really just made me think about why society wants us to be this 'perfect' image and have this 'thigh gap'. I think with or without one, everyone is beautiful and need to accept who they are, no matter size, no matter shape.

    Sorry for the long comment, I just think what you are saying is completely true and you are such a great person for saying it.

    Kathryn x

    http://enclosedbeauty.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. Tell me about it! People think skinny is a compliment but it makes me feel like a bag of bones - so not sexy! Thank you SO much for your kind words and don't apologize I love a long comment, shows you really read and related to the post and that's exactly what I wanted :) xx

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  7. This was a great post Chloe! I think purely any hate on any body shape is ridiculous. One of my best friends is overweight, and two of my other best friends are pretty skinny, I consider myself somewhere in the middle. I have never once judged them, not on the overweight one for being 'fat' or 'obsese' and not the skinny ones for being 'anorexic' or 'not womanly', I love them all equally. I think it's disgusting so many people judge others on looks, it's why so many of us girls are so uncomfortable with our weight!

    xoxo
    aly

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    1. Well said Aly! No woman should be judged on her shape or size, we should all be comfortable in our own skin and if we're constantly being judged no one will ever learn to love themselves! xx

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  8. This is an amazing post! I really never understand why only curvy women seemed the be classed as 'real'! I completely agree with what you said, some of us are born slim, some bigger but whatever we look like, we are all real and should love our bodies :) Thank you for this post! xx

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    1. Thank you so much Becky! I totally agree, we need to learn to love ourselves and accept those around us xx

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  9. Such an amazing and needed post Chloe! I hate that the new thing for people and the press is to claim that if you aren't a size 12 or 14 and 'curvy' than you aren't a real woman! Too many girls are labelled as 'skinny' too when actually that means something so different to 'slim'.
    It seems like the bigger you are the more praise you get but woman come in all shapes and sizes and as long as you're healthy weight than we should all be applauded cos we're are all amazing! Haha :)

    http://loveslikesandwishes.blogspot.co.uk/

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    1. Ah thank you so much I'm glad you agree! Couldn't agree more, if you're happy and healthy you're perfect as far as I'm concerned, no matter what shape or size you are xx

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  10. Oh my gosh, I love this post! I couldn't agree more with what you said, I'm quite tall and skinny and have tiny boobs which doesn't bother me as much since I know my boyfriend likes them. That picture you were talking about is a shame, I've seen it as well, as Daisy said it doesn't matter what size you are as long as you're being healthy. I'm sick of feeling like there's something wrong with me just because I can't seem to find a bra that actually fits. Anyway, I should stop rambling now, just wanted to let you know that's an amazing post xx

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    1. I'm so glad you agree! And don't worry, I love a good ramble, thanks so much for your kind words! xx

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  11. I think that the people who caption those images 'not a real woman' are insecure and need to have a good think about things. I'm a size 8-10 yet I constantly get told I'm too skinny, but if someone was a size 16 and slightly overweight, it's taboo to say anything to them. I think bra back sizes are ridiculous - I'm a 30/32 D/DD depending on the store and it's so hard finding them because apparently if you've got a small back you can't possibly have decent sized boobs! I can only imagine how frustrating it must be for you - 28 backs aren't that rare human-wise but in shops they are like gold dust. I have the natural thigh gap too - we're human, it's natural for some of us, unnatural for others. Brilliant post, Chloe! x

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    1. Couldn't agree more! They're ridiculous and just make people feel insecure about themselves. Something needs to be done about the bra situation haha! xx

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  12. It's sad, but I really think there is no "ideal". Every magazine, report, etc says something different, so how is anyone supposed to get to that "ideal"?! Thin, boyish figures, as you say, are deemed too thin, sparking comments of "eat more!" and larger, curvy shapes are told they are "unhealthy" and need to diet :(
    The media prey on society's insecurities -it's how they sell their magazines and get you to read things, buy diet books, sign up for weight-loss plans etc, and sadly so many people (myself very much included) buy into it because they're unhappy with themselves and want to change to make themselves more "ideal".
    I'm completely unhappy with the way I look and the lack of confidence I have about the way I look, but I try really hard to ignore the comments, regardless of whether I'm being told I'm too fat / too thin.

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    1. You're right, the 'ideal' woman does not exist! I think we should strive to be comfortable in our own skin, if you love how you look then you're your own kind of ideal woman! xx

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  13. Chloe, I love this post so much. So many truths are written in this post. I've been so annoyed by some tumblr pictures I've seen about body image.. as if this world needs more negativity. I'm so glad you wrote this! Very well spoken!

    -ariel* xoxo
    www.chiclookxo.com

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    1. Ah thank you so much Ariel! Could not agree more! xx

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  14. This post is simply beautiful! I think we all need reminders about this. Your blog is so wonderful and I've enjoyed reading it over the past few months! You actually kind of inspired me to start my own blog! :)

    If you want to check it out: mintentions.blogspot.com

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    1. Oh wow! Thank you so much this comment has made my day! xx

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  15. I love this post! So positive & motivational. I've just done a blog post on health and fitness myths that you might find interesting!

    http://rachael-victoria.blogspot.co.uk/

    xx

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  16. Well done for posting this. I don't have a thigh gap (I never have and never will) and I have curves. Every time I find myself wishing I was a little slimmer/longer legs or whatever I have to remind myself I may want my friends long slim legs but she wants my butt. No woman is 100% happy with their body but every woman's body is 100% woman, no matter what shape.

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  17. I loved this post! :-)
    - x Cerys x -

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  18. I love that you posted this. I also find myself being in this situation where people think it's ok to bug me about how small I am. I am naturally tiny. I admit I do go to the gym and I do try to eat healthy, but like you said it doesn't mean that I am always at the gym and that I never eat junk - because I do. Myself, as well as other smaller girls I know, go to the gym to be toned, as well as FEEL good. A month or so ago I posted a post quite similar to this, and I am very glad to know that someone else wants to address this situation. Thank you :)

    www.miscellaneous-scribbles.blogspot.ca

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  19. Lovely post :).I think comments on people's bodies whatever size they are is horrible. One of my best friends has a teeny tiny frame and people have always made negative comments about her body even though she eats like a cow and is so fit and healthy!

    Rosie
    x
    therunwayrose.blogspot.com

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