Thursday, 30 January 2014

GIRLY ADVICE #2: HOW TO BE THE BEST BLOGGER, LIKE, EVER


Hi lovelies! Today, I thought I'd do another Girly Advice post to follow my 'How to not get hit on' post. This time, it's super helpful post with a few hints and tips about how to be the most stereotypical and annoying amazing blogger in the whole world, ever. Warning sarcasm ahead.

Step One 
Instagram everything. Not just every meal in a restaurant, but every meal you eat, had cornflakes today and yesterday? Instagram it again, there's no way that looks the same as before and it's in a different bowl today. Not just every cute thing your pet does, every single thing your pet does, sleeping in it's bed? Eating dog biscuits? Cat in the litter tray? Snap away - and don't forget to hashtag like mad #cute #dog #dogsofinstagram #cat #kitty #feline, the more the BETTER. Selfie before a night out? No. Selfie before everything. Off to work, selfie. Popping to Tescos, selfie. Going to the dentist, selfie. HASHTAG NO FILTER.

Step Two
punctuation is for suckers who actually needs full stops capitals letters commas apostrophes and paragraphs aint nobody got time for that and it totally makes sense without it. no punctuation just makes it look like you were typing in a hurry and had no time to worry about full stops and commas it makes you look like a busy business woman and people love that just put a full stop at the end of the post though you dont want to look crazy.

Step Three
Spam your link like crazy. People love that shit. Better still, write a generic 'follow for follow' comment, e.g. 'Great Post that I totally didn't even read. Why don't we follow eachother?! www.reevaluateyourlife.blogspot.com xxxx', copy, paste and leave it everywhere. You're bound to get a million followers an hour this way, people will really appreciate the time you took to press Ctrl C, Ctrl V over and over and then they'll definitely go straight to your blog to follow you. It's foolproof.

Step Four
This step is called the Social Network crossover. Get a facebook page for your blog and a twitter page for your blog and post 'follow me on twitter' on facebook and 'like my facebook page!' on twitter. Do this hourly until you have ten thousand followers. Better still, tweet celebrities asking them to retweet your blog link, Justin Bieber probably has a lot of free time these days...

Step Five
Copy other bloggers. Many people are making the mistake of writing something a bit different on their blog these days, no one wants that! Find a few blogs you love and buy what they buy, review what they review, wear what they wear. The bigger bloggers didn't get where they are today by being original, duh.

Step Six
Apple is your friend. You simply must own an iPad, MacBook, iPhone and anything else you can get your hands on. Then instagram (see step one) every single time you use any of the above. It's imperative that people know you have apple products. If you can't afford to replace all of your electronics, just take a bite out of an apple and tape it to your old Dell laptop. No one will notice.

Step Seven
Buy every single hyped up product ever. You never wear eyeshadow, but everyone has the Naked 3 palette, so you totally need it anyway. Use it once and swatch it on your blog, then leave it in the back of a cupboard forever, or better yet, stick it in a blogsale two weeks after your review. The point it, you had it when it was cool and that MATTERS.

Of course, the most important step is to actually ignore this entire post and do your blog your way. This is of course, a jokey post and all of these should be taken lightly (I'm actually guilty of the instagram one myself!!)

Let me know if you enjoy silly posts like this, as I love to write something a little different every now and again!

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51 comments:

  1. Haha this is great! I totally missed the '(warning sarcasm ahead)' comment at the beginning so at first I was a tad taken aback! But this is a brilliant post and there is a lot of truth behind it (unfortunately in some cases!) x

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  2. love the one about the naked 3! a few of my friends have bought it even though they never ever wear eyeshadow!

    lizwills.blogspot.com

    (oops sorry for the blog link) x

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    1. hahaha! Blog links are fab, follow for follows are not! xx

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  3. Hahahahahahaha.. wondering how many people will get the irony of this!

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  4. so cute :-) such a fab idea!

    http://rosinadiaries.blogspot.com/

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  5. Ahahaha I love this post, too funny! There are actually people who do this which is the worst part about it though!

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  6. Even though I'm sick, this still made me laugh :-) hilarious grill post!

    Rachael x
    All The Little Things x | Rachael McClenaghan

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    1. Brill lol oh gosh that's base. Auto correct fail x

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  7. totally agree with this! one thing that annoys me the most is how everyone buys the same products and reviews the same things all the time! i wanna find new products not read reviewed products that i have read 10000 times before!

    http://twinstalkbeauty.blogspot.com

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  8. Hahah this is hilarious, brilliant idea for a post xx


    http://katieannetc.blogspot.co.uk

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  9. Loved this post! Made me chuckle to myself!

    Lola

    lolaslittlewonders.blogspot.co.uk

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  10. this post is so funny, i literally read it in a sarcastic tone in my head, love that you post such orignal and interesting things, glad i follow you! x

    shanlxuise.blogspot.co.uk

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  11. Haha this gave me a good giggle, nice to see some unique and different on my newsfeed :) xxxx
    emmalouisedreams.blogspot.co.uk

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  12. This made me literally laught out loud xD Enjoyed this post so much I shared it on Twitter :)

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  13. Hahaha!! Brilliant! You also need an abundance of throw pillows, white bedroom furniture, fairy lights and flowery wallpaper to become the ultimate beauty blogger ;) xxx

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  14. this made my night, absolutely hilarious. It's really nice to see someone with a sense of humor. :)

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  15. Laughed out loud ;') love it! Original is the best xx
    www.LaurasHaven.com

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  16. HAHA, I loved reading this! .....Now I'm going to copy you and write the same post- joke ;) x

    LauraThinksAbout

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  17. Haha, this is a really great post! Made me laugh out loud :D Really enjoyed it x
    http://lovemake-uplovefashion.blogspot.co.uk/

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  18. I loved this post, what a great laugh! I actually know a few self-called bloggers who follow every single on this steps so obviously, on the right path to success ahah
    Keep going, girl! Love your ideas x

    talkingpickles.blogspot.com

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  19. This was way too funny haha you really have a handle on sarcasm. It's so easy to get caught up in all the nonsense that can go along with blogging and forget about the real reason to blog: sharing your passions with others who are passionate too!
    Amber
    Lovely Notions

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  20. I was so confused when I started reading this!Brilliant x

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  21. Copy other bloggers...well said, Chloe ;) Loved this post x

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  22. Brilliant post, had to try to not laugh out loud reading this at work this morning!

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  23. totally agree with the mac sentiment! i feel like i have to get one when in actual fact i just need a laptop that doesn't take 3 hours to switch on because its 4 years old!
    allthingskerri.blogspot.com

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  24. Excellent post! So funny. I really like your 'silly' posts. Definitely make this a regular thing!

    Jenn | PhotoJennic

    x

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  25. Well I've just joined Instagram so i'll be sure to take your advice! I'm taking a selfie as we speak! :)
    Funny post!
    PS Follow for a follow? hahaha!

    Jen xx
    http://kitsch-n-sync.blogspot.com

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  26. hahaha i love this! we should follow eachother right?

    love it!

    www.laurajarvispatterndesign.blogspot.co.uk

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  27. Brilliant , well done x

    Makeupemotion.blogspot.com

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  28. I was gonna follow the steps as I read them but then, I read the ending... Hahaha

    the92liner.blogspot.com

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  29. HAHAHA this is sooooo funny!! I'm literally dying!!!!!
    xxx | daisydaisyxxo

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  30. HAHAHA this was hilarious!! your last post made me laugh but this was even funnier than that! Please do more haha!

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  31. Absolutely brilliant! Couldn't agree more with step two and three, and yet sadly step three seems to actually work for some of those bloggers. Would love to see more posts like these, they're hilarious :) x.

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  32. I wasn't sure about your instagram bashing there, especially the selfie thaaang. I know it's a bit of fun but selfie's show confidence which is great! :) The best one here is the punctuation one! I know a few big bloggers who still do this... xx

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    1. Aw I'm sorry if you took offence at all, as I said, I'm totally guilty of the instagram myself! I love a good selfie, I'm just talking about those who post tons of selfies every day! It's all a bit of fun though, I'm not instabashing at all ;) xxx

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  33. Really funny post....i luv it!....or should I say...............

    GREAT POST, WHY DON'T WE FOLLOW EACHOTHER? ;)

    http://sweetlittleluxuries.com/

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  34. Great and so true! I really love the apple topic. Haha i've got a samsung, you don't see me posting every where that I belong to samsung haha ! Epic! Nice post and different.... for a change (hate seeing the same posts everywhere)

    Http://cycybeauty.blogspot.com

    Xx

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  35. Haha this post was brilliant! I wonder what people would say if I actually stuck an apple to the front of my laptop - loved that one! Keep these posts coming! xx

    kizzyhearts.blogspot.co.uk

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  36. lmaooo this was hilarious!

    xoxo Brie at chicvadourbyb.blogspot.com

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  37. This was so funny to read Chloe you should definitely write more posts like this :) It's so annoying to see that bloggers don't even use the products they buy it is such a waste of money, if you aren't going to use a product don't buy it x

    EmmiHearts

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  38. Absolutely loved this!! This was too funny, and so true on so many levels!! Loved the apple section!!
    xx

    Alexandra
    The A Style | Beauty and lifestyle

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  39. Haha, very funny and sadly so true!

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  40. Haha, I love this and could relate to so much of what you said. Particularly when people comment on posts with the 'Oh my god I love your blog, follow me now!' Ans yes, Instagram is a bloggers bestfriend hahaha xo

    Hannah | Glitter and Sparkle

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  41. ROFLMAO!!!!!!!
    Awesome post!!!

    I actually know some bloggers who do 'atleast' five of your above mentioned steps.. LoL..
    *wondering if they read this post by chance and took it too seriously...* :P

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Thanks so much for your comment, I read and appreciate every single one! If you leave me your link I will always do my best to check out your blog too!
If you have any questions feel free to tweet me @chloesway xo

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