Saturday, 2 June 2018

HOW TO NAIL MARRIED LIFE


Full disclosure before your eyes roll into the back of your skull at the title, I don't think I'm a relationship expert (it's not a thing, don't @ me) and I'm not claiming that I can fix your relationship problems, but that said, I bloody love being married and I like to think that myself and my Husband Darren are pretty good at it. NOT SORRY! So, to sum up, not an expert, but very happy and today I'm going to share exactly why I think that is. These aren't necessarily marriage tips, but more lessons I've learned along the way that I think help to make a happy couple (stay with me, I'm not going to get soppy).

Accept them for who they are.
This is first because it really is the most important. People can change and they do change, but you cannot make someone change. I don't mean that if someone's a messy f*cker, you should accept that and do all their washing for them, but you need to love and respect your partner for the person that they are. I do believe it's important to adapt your behaviours and habits to suit your life together and being stubborn gets you nowhere, but I wholeheartedly believe that you should be able to be 100% yourself with your partner, especially at the point of marrying them. Marriage is (hopefully!) a lifelong commitment and having to act like someone you're not for your whole life will lead to resentment. It may irritate Darren sometimes when he's mid-way through a story about his day and I turn his sentence into a song reference and I might moan about the amount of bread he wastes when he tries and fails to spread butter several times, but those little quirks are also things we love about each other. You're going to piss each other off, but those little things aren't deal breakers and sometimes you will grow to kinda like them.

Let them do them.
Something that BAFFLES me is hearing people say 'I'd never let my boyfriend..', 'no wife of mine could ever...' etc, you get the point. PSA: your partner is not a Sim with free will turned off, unless you regularly catch them staring into space with a green diamond above their heads (and maybe not even then), you cannot make them do anything. Compromise is key, not everyone gets their own way all the time and sometimes, you'll have to just watch the damn action movie, but having your partner constantly telling you can't go here/ wear that/ see them is a major red flag. If you have friends and hobbies that make you happy, the person who loves you should not want to change that. Also, if you really love someone, you'll want to do nice things for them, like cooking their favourite meal, or doing the washing up even though it's probably their turn. Thinking you can boss your partner around and tell them what to do is a recipe for disaster though, if you fully trust someone, you can trust them to make their own decisions.

Do things for them.
This follows on from my last point, sometimes the smallest gestures can make a huge difference. Darren knows that I regularly forget to make my own lunch for work, so often he'll make it for me the night before so that I don't have to think about it in the morning. He'll put my favourite vinyl on for me and light a candle while I'm cooking because he knows I love cooking with music on and hate the house smelling of food. It's tiny things like this that just show that you really know one another. Gestures don't have to be big or expensive, but knowing that your partner has your happiness in mind means a lot.

Listen to them.
Laaaaame. But seriously, if you're in a relationship with someone, surely this means you're interested in them and what they have to say. Sure, sometimes your partner will have a moan about work/ friends/ family/ washing up and you might've heard it all before, but just listen, take the few minutes out of your day to take in what they're saying and talk things through. When you're married or in a relationship, your partner should be your best friend, you should be able to talk about anything and everything that's on your mind, whether it's a bad day in the office or the hidden secrets of the universe. Feeling like someone really values your opinion and cares about what you have to say really is a great feeling. Side note, I'm always super impressed when Darren gets me a present or does something that shows he's been really listening to me, it can be anything from buying a record I mentioned a few weeks back to putting on a TV series I briefly talked about wanting to watch.

Make time for one another.
As much as I will preach alone time and doing your own thing, I find that spending time together is the best way to feel closer and reconnect. Even if it's just going for a few drinks after a long week at work or watching a movie with a ban on all other technology one evening, it's nice to just do things as a couple. When you live with someone and you're together all the time, it's easy to blur the lines between being around one another and actually being together. Quality time is, in my opinion, essential to feel close and connected to your partner and with so many people having such full and busy lives these days, it's important to make that time for just the two of you.

Trust them.
All of my points in this post so far are my opinion and can be taken with a pinch of salt - EXCEPT. THIS. ONE. As a couple, you have a life together, but you also have separate lives. You need to be able to do thing separately and be okay with that. No one's a mind reader and no one can predict what anyone is going to do, but forever assuming the person you're with is going to f*ck up isn't healthy. This doesn't apply to everything, like I absolutely don't trust Darren when he constantly promises not to use half a bottle of Fairy every time he washes up, but for the most part, you need to feel as though your partner trusts and respects you and you them. If who you're with gets mad whenever you speak to or are friends with another girl/ guy that is a big old red flag and it shouldn't be ignored. Something I've heard a lot is 'it's not me he doesn't trust, it's other guys' - this is bullshit. If you know your partner well enough to know they're not going to do the dirty every time they go to a club without you, then you'll know you don't have to worry about 'other guys'.


Like I say, please do take this post in the light hearted way that it is intended, I by no means consider myself a marriage or relationship expert, I just wanted to share a fun post with some of the lessons I've learnt in my almost year of marriage and seven year relationship! If you'd like to see more personal posts like this on my blog, please do let me know!

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