Thursday, 13 September 2018


I got rid of all the toxic people in my life and all the people who were just draining me of energy, always talking only about their problems, never asking how I was doing. Yes, IĆ¢€™m a good listener and friend, but I had to put myself first and take care of myself in order to heal.

I was all set to sit and write a blog post all about self love, self care and finding yourself today. Those things are incredibly important and believe me, I'll get those topics in time, but following my last post, all my ideas on the topic of 'self', while incredibly dear to my heart, didn't quite feel right just yet.

Going through something as life altering as the end of a marriage is tough, no matter how amicable or drama free your situation is. Life as you know it is turned upside down and while you know it's for all the right reasons, it's definitely more than a little daunting. I'm not going to do a poor me act by any means. My situation is one I've come to terms with and quietly dealt with over a relatively long period of time, so when we finally did split and the inevitable happened, I felt fine, I mostly just felt an overwhelming relief.

So because our split was pretty un-dramatic, I didn't quite realise exactly how much I'd need people around me. I figured I'd just go about my daily life as before, just living by myself instead. Friends thrown in the mix here and there, exactly as before. They had other plans however and I'm so grateful for that. From the moment I told the people closest to me about the split, they rallied round me like super supportive moths to a flame. The past few weeks have been an absolute whirlwind of day trips, live music, takeaways on my sofa, midweek pub trips and shopping days and it's been just incredible.

I love people in general, as I've grown up I've realised just how important the people in your life are. People always use phrases like 'learning who your true friends are' in situations such as this and while that's true to a point, I also think life changing situations are a perfect opportunity to open your mind and heart to many others, not just sit back and see who comes to you. Going through this, I've confided in people that I work with, I've reconnected with an old friend I'd not spoken to for years and strengthened my relationships with my closest friends that I was in danger of almost pushing away. All these people whether they've been in my life for ten years or ten weeks have been there in ways I didn't even know I needed.

In situations such as mine, there's such a focus on 'doing you' and 'finding yourself' and as I've said, I have absolutely no problems with that. In fact, it's incredibly important. However, I truly believe that you need others to help you find yourself. There are people in my life right now that have helped shape me into the person I am today. My friends are a huge part of the reason I'm the strong and resilient person I am today. The unwavering love from the people surrounding me shows me that I can love again, that I can be truly, completely happy without feeling guilty about that.

It's not even just those already in your life either. I've had huge amounts of support from absolute strangers on the internet, their words meaning so much and showing me that I'm not the only one to have gone through a situation that was so alien to me. It's also not even those that know your situation, I had a conversation with lovely member of staff in a cocktail bar on Monday who was telling me all about how his motto was not 'You Only Live Once', but 'Live Every Day and Die Only Once' - a tad morbid on first listen, but his point resonated with me. Every day might not be the best ever, but you're living it, every experience is a lesson and a memory and you'll always have that. Learning from those around you is something that will always help shape your personality and outlook on life and we should never ever stop doing that or write it off in a tunnel-visioned bid to be independent.

So, I'm challenging you to recognise the importance of others - have a meaningful chat with someone you already know and love, reach out to someone you've lost touch with, compliment, converse with or help someone you don't know at all. Make someones day or let someone make yours. You are the most important person in your life, but there are a whole heap of people willing to help you love the hell out of who you are.

Special thanks to the beautiful people I'm surrounded by right now, you know exactly who you all are.


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